A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and tells him that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes on her elbow and screams in agony. She then pushes on her knee and screams, pushes on her ankle and screams…and so it goes on. No matter where she touches her agony is apparent.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you? You're really a blonde."

She sheepishly admits that she is indeed a blonde and asks, "But, how did you know?"

"Because, my dear," he says, "Your finger is broken."

A beautiful blonde goes into the bank and asks for a $5,000 loan for her trip to Europe. She offers her car outside as collateral.

The clerk takes her keys and finds her Rolls Royce parked at the curb. The bank grants her loan and she leaves on her trip.

A month later she returns with the $5,000 plus interest. The same clerk hands her the key to her car and says, "I just have to ask. We checked out your credit and you're a multi-millionaire. Why would you need a mere five grand on loan?"

To which she replied, " Oh Sweetie, where else could I park my Rolls safely in New York City for a month and only pay $35?"

Not all blondes are dumb.

Three pregnant women - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead - were in the doctor's surgery.

The blonde asked "Do you know what you are going to have?"

The redhead replied, "I am going to have a boy."

"How do you know?" the blonde asked her.

"Well my husband was on top of me, so I know that he's going to be a boy," the redhead replied.

The brunette said " I am going to have a girl because I was on top, so she has to be a girl."

They both turned to blonde, who had started crying, and asked her what was the matter.

She sobbed "I think I am going to have puppies!"

A young blonde woman goes to a job interview.

The interviewer starts with the basics. "So can you tell us your age please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers before replying "23!".

Thinking that she's nervous, the interviewer tries another straight forward question in an attempt to break the ice. "And how tall are you?"

The blonde produces a measuring tape from her handbag and stands up. Then she traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. After checking the result, she announces "Five foot three!"

The interviewer continues to give her the benefit fo the doubt and throws her the really easy one. "Just to confirm for our records, what is your name?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side while mouthing something silently to herself. This goes on for about twenty seconds before she replies "Stephanie!"

By now the interviewer is completely baffled, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, I can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age. I can see why you used the measuring tape for your height. But what were you doing when I asked for your name?"

"Oh!" replies the blonde, "I was just running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you'. "

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: not all blondes are dumb, but most men are perverts.

A blonde in a sports car is pulled over for speeding by a policeman.

The policeman asks to see her driver's licence, but the blonde becomes confused. After some explanation by the policeman, she figures out what he means and produces her licence.

The policemen then asks to see her registration documents and vehicle insurance. Now the blonde is totally confused. The policeman explains again and the blonde begins to rummage around in the glove compartment.

While she's doing this, the policeman sees an opportunity, so he unzips his trousers and pulls out his cock.

At the same moment, the blonde finds the documents. Flushed with a mixture of achievement and excitement, she looks up. Her expression quickly changes to one of dismay and she squeals "Oh no! Not another breathalyser test!"

A blonde telephones her husband at work and says "I need some help."

"What's the problem?" he asks.

She replies "Well I just started this really difficult jigsaw puzzle."

"What makes it so difficult?" he asks.

"I can't find the pieces with straight edges," replies the blonde.

"Try looking at the picture on the box," he suggests. "That's always helpful."

"I tried that and it's no use," says the blonde. "The colours are different."

"What's the picture?" asks her husband.

"It's a drawing of a big chicken," she replies.

"Just put the cornflakes back in the box and try something different."

A blonde smiles sweetly as the gentleman joins her in the elevator.

"T.G.I.F." she bubbles.

He looks at her calmly and says, "S.H.I.T.".

Indignant, she replies, "T.G.I.F."

Pointedly he again replies, "S.H.I.T."

"Well," she says, "T-G-I-F. Thank God it's Friday."

"Well," he says, "S-H-I-T. Sorry, Honey It's Thursday!"

A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful, so she left a note for the milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he was sure there must be a mistake. Thinking that she probably meant 1.5 gallons, he knocked on the door to clarify matters.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

"I want 15 gallons," replied the blonde. "I'm going to fill my bathtub and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked "Do you want it pasteurised?"

"Oh no!" replied the blonde. "Just up to my nipples."

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in Essex.

With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting.

''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?"

She continues "It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humour!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologise, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

A blonde with big tits gets into a cab.

After travelling for a couple of miles, she realises that she has no money and immediately informs the driver.

"You'd better stop. I can't pay you and it's £3 already," she says.

The driver checks her out in the rearview mirror.

"That's okay," he says. "I'll turn down the first dark street. Get in the back seat and take off your bra."

"You'd be cheating yourself," replies the blonde. "This bra is only worth a fiver."

Two sisters inherit the family farm.

Things don't go as planned. After a couple of years they are in big financial trouble, with the bank threatening to repossess the farm.

They come up with a plan to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The oldest sister takes the last £600 from their bank account and prepares to travel to another farm, where there is prize bull for sale.

Before leaving, she tells her younger sister, "If I buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out and meet me. Bring the horse box and we'll bring the bull home in that."

She arrives at the farm, inspects the bull and decides to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for £599, not a penny less. So she pays him and then drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram with the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our farm and that she should come here with the horse box to meet me and take the bull home."

The telegraph operator says "OK. That's 99p per word."

WIth only £1 left to her name, she realizes that she can only send a one word message to her sister. After thinking for a few minutes, she says, "I want you to send this message" and scribbles it on a notepad.

The telegraph operator takes a look. "Is that all?"

"That will do it," she replies.

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to drive your horse box here to bring the bull home if you just send "Comfortable"?"

The woman explains "My sister's blonde. She'll read it very slowly."

A blind man and his guide dog enter a pub and find their way to the bar.

After ordering a drink, the blind man yells to the barman "Oi! D'you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

Immediately the pub becomes absolutely quiet.

In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to the blind man says "Before you tell that joke, let me tell you something. The barman is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a wrestler. Think seriously. You still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man says 'No. At least not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type.

She went to the front door of the first house she came to and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Honey, does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "And I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "your car's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice on losing weight.

The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice, which had produced such effective results.

"I'm very pleased for you," said the doctor. "Keep it up!"

"I sure will," replied the blonde, "But I have one last question."

"What's that?" asked the doctor.

"How do I get home, as I'm now 300 miles away?"

A blonde and a redhead are walking down the street and pass a flower shop, where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.

She sighs and says "Oh crap! My boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looks puzzled and asks "What's the big deal? Don't you like getting flowers?"

The redhead replies "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde asks "Don't you have a vase?"

A busty blonde goes to the doctor for her annual checkup.

The doctor asks her to disrobe and climb onto the examination table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly. "I just can't undress in front of you."

"Alright," said the doctor. "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

Everything went dark and she began to undress.

A few moments later, her voice rang out in the darkness.

"Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?" she asked.

"Just put them on the chair, on top of mine," came the reply.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde, female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mailbox and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"