After about ten minutes, the man said “You know, I wish I had a torch.”

“So do I”, replied the woman. “You’ve been eating grass for the last ten minutes.

A flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit there.

The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m staying right here!”

The flight attendant goes to the cockpit. She tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy, she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston and I’m staying right here!”

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman, who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde!”

So the pilot goes to see the blonde and whispers in her ear.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” she says, gets up and moves back to her seat in Economy Class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask the pilot what he said to make the blonde move without any fuss.

“I told her First Class isn’t going to Houston.”

After taking an hour to summon up the courage, he moves to her table and asks shyly “Would you mind if I chatted to you for a while?”

The woman yells “No! I won’t sleep with you tonight!”

Everyone in the bar stares at them.

Naturally, the man is hopelessly embarrassed and slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him.

“I’m sorry I embarrassed you,” she says with a smile. “I’m a psychology student and I’m seeing how people respond to an embarrassing situation.”

The man yells “What do you mean, £200?”

As they lay in bed afterward, the man thought to himself “If I’d known she was a virgin, I would have been more gentle with her.”

And the woman thought to herself “If I’d known he could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose.”

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service.

Eventually they asked Canada’s RCMP for help.

The RCMP cabled the White House: “Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down.”

While stationary at a set of traffic lights, they are rear ended by a white van.

Furious, the guy in the passenger seat gets out of the car, walks to the van and starts banging on the door. The van driver opens the door and the gay guy says “I’m going to sue your arse.”

The van driver laughs and says “Suck my dick!”

The gay guy stands there for a second, then his eyes get really big and his face lights up.

He runs back to the car and says excitedly to his partner “You won’t believe it, but he wants to settle out of court.”

“What the hell are you supposed to be?” asked the host.

“A premature ejaculation,” said the man. “I just came in my pants.”

One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women and started getting friendly with them, when suddenly the Sheikh came in.

“I am the master of all these women,” said the Sheikh. “No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession.”

The Sheikh turned to the first man and asked him what he did for a living.

“I’m a cop”, said the first man.

“Then we will shoot your penis off!”, said the Sheikh.

He turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.

“I’m a fireman”, said the second man.

“Then we will burn your penis off!”, said the sheikh.

Finally, he asked the third man “And you, what do you do for a living?”

And the third man answered “I’m a lollipop salesman.”

He asks “What do you think is the best thing about being 104?”

The woman replies “No peer pressure.”

The doctor said: “Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side.”

Bush interrupted “That’s normal, isn’t it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?”

The doctor replied “That’s true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn’t anything right, while on the right side there isn’t anything left.”