Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, having left the pub a wee bit late one night, found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87. Good blood, those O'Grady's!"

"That's nothing," says Sean. "Here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 95 when he died. Aye, those O'Tooles are a hardy bunch, they are!"

Just then, Seamus yells out, "Forget him! Here's a fella that lived to be 145 years old!"

"What was his name?" ask Paddy and Sean.

Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker and exclaims "Miles to Dublin!"

Two women went out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee.

They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.

The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them.

The second not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties," so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: " We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night. My wife came home without her panties."

The other one responded "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that read "We will never forget you".