An Irishman named O'Malley went to see his doctor after a long illness.

After a lengthy examination, the doctor sighed, looked O'Malley straight in the eye and said "Its' bad news, I'm afraid. You have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live."

O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room, where his son was waiting.

O'Malley said, "Well, son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."

After four pints, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more beers. Eventually they were approached by some of O'Malley's old friends, who asked what the two were celebrating.

O'Malley told them that they were drinking to his impending end. "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS," he said.

The friends gave O'Malley their condolences and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered to his father "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS."

O'Malley replied "I AM dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them bastards sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop and go over to the bird section.

Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere," says Gerry. "Put dem in a peeper bag."

The shopkeeper does so, the two men pay for the birds and leave the shop.

They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500 feet drop.

"Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?" says Gerry.

He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds, followed by a SPLAT!

As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff, he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too fockin' dangerous for me!"

A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar peeper bag.

He pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun.

"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff.

Paddy watches as, halfway down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet, until there is a SPLAT as his remains join Gerry's at the bottom of the cliff.

Paddy shakes his head and says, "An' oim never troyin' dat parrotshooting nider."

A few minutes after Seamus splats himself, Sean strolls up.

He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying a familiar peeper bag. But instead of a parrot, he pulls a chicken out of the bag and launches himself over the cliff with the usual result.

Once more, Paddy shakes his head. "Fock me, Sean. First der was Gerry wit his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting and now you, fockin' hen gliding."