Warnings issued by the American military to their own troops

"Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on US rocket launcher.

"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend." - US Marine Corps.

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal.

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - US Air Force Manual.

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal.

"Tracers work both ways." - US Army Ordnance.

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal.

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anon.

"Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your comrades.

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." - USAF Ammo Troop.

Complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Note that "squawks" are problem listings that pilots leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight.

(Problem) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(Solution) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
(S) Autoland not fitted to this aircraft.

(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That`s what they are there for.

(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles FUNNY.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious.

(P) Target radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target radar with the words.