A man goes to confession.

Once inside the confessional he says "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

"What did you do, my son?" asked the priest.

"Well," said the man. "Yesterday I was walking along the beach at night and I decided to explore a cave near the shore because I'd heard that sometimes people like to go there and have sex. When I turned on my flashlight, I witnessed two men having sex."

"Oh!" replied the priest. "So you were the asshole with the flashlight."

Little Johnny was sitting on the curb, crushing ants with his finger and saying "Goddamn ants."

Father Brown was walking by and saw Little Johnny. He said "Little Johnny you should not be doing that. The good Lord has put everything on this earth for a purpose."

"No that is not true, Father," replied Little Johnny.

"Well can you tell me three things that have no purpose?" replied the Father.

Little Johnny said "Yes, Father. The tits on a nun; the balls on a priest; and these goddamn ants."

Melissa, a young girl at a Catholic girls school, was sitting on the park bench, smoking a cigarette.

The local priest walked by and gave her a glare. "Melissa! Smoking at such a young age! Aren't you ashamed?"

"Why?" asked Melissa. "You got something better to do after sex?"