farmyard jokes

Monday, 1st March 2010

Three bulls

Three bulls hear that the rancher is bringing another bull onto the ranch.

The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here three years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get his cows, but I ain’t givin’ him any of mine.”

The second bull says, “That pretty much says it for me too. I’ve been here three years and have earned my right to the thirty cows we’ve agreed are mine. I’ll fight ‘im till I run him off or kill ‘im, but I’m keeping all my cows.”

The third bull says, “I’ve only been here a year and so far you guys have only let me have ten cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows yet, but I am young and virile, so I must keep all my cows.”

As they finish their talk, an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only one animal in it, the biggest sonofabitch bull they had ever seen. Each step he took towards the ground strained the steel ramp to breaking point.

The first bull says, “You know, it’s actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.”

The second bull says, “I’ll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from him. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”

They look at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting up a storm.

The first bull says, “Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”

The third bull says, “He can have all my cows. I’m just making sure he knows that I’m a bull!”

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Friday, 24th July 2009

Animal farm

A zebra in a circus became sick, so the owner decided to leave it at a farm until it recovered.

After a few days the zebra was well enough to walk and decided to take a stroll around the farm. While going around he met a chicken.

“I am a Zebra,” he said, “And I work in a circus. Who are you and what do you do?”

The chicken replied “I am a chicken. I scratch the ground and lay eggs.”

Then the zebra met a cow and, after a similar introduction, the cow said “I am a cow. I say moo and I give milk.”

Then he came upon a bull.

“I am a Zebra,” he said, “And I work in the circus. Who are you and what do you do?”

The bull said “Take off those pyjamas and I’ll show you who I am and just what exactly I do.”

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